whoopdeefuckingdoo

Considering the fact that I just blasted through four hours of PS2, I should be dead. No. Instead, I am strangely happy! Yes, that's right, I am so happy I don't know why. Being happy makes me want to throw up. Amused, suitably charmed, cajoled into laughter, manic, but happy? No, I am seldom happy. I don't know why I laugh so much anyway. There is a strange mechanism that makes me laugh alot, I think it's my Mind's way of making me cherish every whisper of happiness that I can find so that I can be content with the world even if all I get is shit on a Lalique platter and piss in a Wedgewood saucer.

Oh and thanks Tzhock for being so kind and thoughtful and so good with that memory of yours. 11 of November, that's right. I'll be waiting to see what you got, especially if its something you had to buy in advance so there's still stock. Haha, yes people, REMEMBER. Actually, I don't think I'd really care other than the fact that it'd be a reminder that people hate me more than they should. I mean, come on, when there are stupid bitches tottering around with their empty heads and jerks who transcend the meaning of imbecile, why pick me? All right, you won't be so mean to me when you call me to pick up your own Gucci discount card. Ugh, does Gucci do discounts? Tres choquant.

Oh and Alps and Tong, I agree to l'Indochine. I have a strange craving for asparagus recently, preferably seared with good red wine and a clove of garlic. What strange cravings I have. Next it'd be mashed pumpkins and saffron sauce.

C'est tout.

yo there

Je pense qu'il y a un raison pour la douleur. Oui, pourquoi y a-t-il la douleur? Je sais pas. Mais j'espere seulement qu'il y aura un jour quand tes yeux ouvront.

Chinese is over. *sigh* And now holidays can begin proper! Haha, yes, I am absolutely thrilled. This is partly because of the Holiday Plan but it is also because of the thought that in a few months time, a certain bride will be wearing my design and it will be amazing because nobody designs like me. All right, cut me some slack, I'm still a little child as compared to the gods of design. I'm sure I will in time, look at my designs and feel an overwhelming urge to bury my head somewhere but until then, I believe that slowly, I am building up the momentum to roll over the current design gods to make way for me. Of course, accompanying this is a recent decrease in my interest for studying. I may be an academic in certain ways but I will never live amongst books. It is simply not my way.

Did I mention also that I revel in being ugly? It is a beautiful thing, to be ugly. I refuse to take care of my chapped lips, I refuse to cut my hair or even slather on wax unless a strange whimsy catches me. No, I will not do anything to take care of my appearance other than keeping myself extremely clean. I think it's a sort of frustrated admission that I'll never look good enough so I might as well look as if I don't care. Yes, I can be so schizo sometimes I confuse myself.

Speaking of which, while I would like to go on and on about the inanities of my life. I thought I ought to raise up something of a higher order because it irks me sometimes that I can oscillate between the intellectual high (!!) and the facile low with such a metronomic pace. I suppose all fashion designers will have their moments.

The Cold War did not have its origins in the mid twentieth century and no, to the extent of my personal belief, I cannot see the Cold War as simply a struggle between a Communist Soviet Union and a Capitalist America. This is because I believe that the Cold War was actually the final phase of a much larger conflict which actually has its roots in something so simple that I was sort of miffed when I thought of it. Go back to the 17th century when Russia was one of the greatest nation on Earth, besides China of course. Poised at the eastern flank of Europe with the Ottoman Empire to the south, she was a continual threat to Europe as we know it today. The fact that the great Russian empire arose from a tiny city called Muscovy is clear evidence that yes, Russia was clearly expansionistic as it was imperialistic. This then brings about my main point, that the Cold War was essentially the final phase of a struggle between Europe and Russia. No, it transcended capitalism and communism. After all, both Europe and Russia showed itself clearly able to put aside their ideological differences in the face of greater danger which I believe points to the notion that ideology was never a clear concept set in stone. No, not the protectionism and trade unions of the United States, I mean, come on. Anyway, so what we have here is a Europe that was often fractured and quarrelsome that was also often taken advantage of by Russia. Witness the dismemberment of Poland-Lithuania, the various leagues created out of rival European states such as Anglo-Britain and the Germanies to stand before the Russians and then the Cordone Sanitaire. I would then like to bring about a final idea: the Cold War would have been fought anyway even if the United States did not exist. This is because more than anything, the Cold War marked the period when an anachronistic conflict amongst the West could be brought into the modern era and the only reason why it infected the rest of the world was because of the fact that the West did control most parts of the world then. So yes, I believe that the Cold War would have been fought between Russia and say, Italy, had she been the strongest Western power then. The only difference would be that Russia of course, would have won.

Now, I also believe that the Cold War was intrinsically the evolution of a hitherto cultural conflict into a security clash. And guess which great power is next? You got it. The dragon will rise, to use that cliche. If not in my life then the next. It'd be really interesting to see the tables turn on english-speaking people the world over when they struggle with the chinese language instead.

C'est tout.

yes!

If only my Chinese scores were as good as my French. All right, so one is more difficult than the other and unlike SOME people I know, I can speak Mandarin with little difficult. Of course, it's not the prudish Chinese used by Alps but it's also not the real-street half-Chinese of the typical heartlander. Shoot me for saying that, I hardly care.

I was listening to Slide by Goo Goo Dolls. Actually, for such a sad song, the 'qu' was very happy. I mean, you don't sing about despair and last-chance hope in such an upbeat manner. Then again, I suppose angst and drawn out sorrow is gross. Maybe that's why Dawson's Creek (yes, I cried. Laugh all you want. Pfft.) lasted only for a few minutes. Oh and my earlier blog entry? I have no idea what I was thinking.

Is there such a thing as chocolate addiction? I'm hooked onto chocolate, like permanently. My French teacher was talking about how much chocolate I consumed in the course of a day's lesson and it's quite true. I must have eaten four packets of chocolate Pocky this week and just today, I finished two bars of Toblerone. Ouch.

BY THE WAY, I plead NOT guilty in reference to Alps' blog. It is not my influence that is doing so much harm to her english or her wallet. I would like to pose a nouvelle idea, that it is entirely her fault. Oops, I meant novel. Shit, French is eating up what space english took up in my brain before.

Oh and I really really wish all my essential accoutrements like my razr phone, my ipod and my ibook were all incorporated into my body, like a little chip connected to my brain and a Bluetooth cornea transplant or something.

Ok, that was random.

C'est tout.

yay time

I don't have anymore time left. It'll all be over so soon, four more years and then, it's over. I can't wait yet at the same time I don't want it to happen so soon. No, I hate the thought of having to leave my childhood and the place of my birth. I'm sorry I had to grow up. I'm sorry I have to leave you here. We'll meet again one day, I promise. But until then, I'll always think of you. Just don't abandon me right now all right?

Don't know where THAT came from. Oh, just paid for my french fees and it probably struck me how much closer I was to my goal. For now, I just want to enjoy the company of my friends and loved ones. My ma, my lil sis, my father, my dad, my gramps, my aunt, my uncle, my room at home, my friends in school. Daniel, Alps, Jing Heng, Tong, Xiao Jun, some of the others in class, my cca mates though they probably hate me, my books, my studies, the Slug, CC, Jeff, Xuan, Joshua, Tzhock, Hew Ting. I love the walks around City Hall, I love pigging out with friends, I love having dinner with my ma and sis, I love the joy of finding a cherished book, I don't want to grow up. I don't want to. And I keep wondering if whether it's too late? I want to stay here forever, in the present. I don't wish to become the past. I don't wish my grandchildren to think of their grandfather as a distant memory. It hurts. I want to live, I want to run away. I want to fight on. I want my dreams. I love GOD.

Sorry for being so incoherent. Oh and did I mention M. le roi? Yeah, him too. My most beloved brother though he may not be that of my blood, we are definitely brothers in spirit.

I am tired. The laptop burns through my jeans. Yes, jeans. Ugh. Black cotton top with long sleeves too, the sort of village shirts my dad gets from thailand. French grammar, english grammar. The weather proves too hot. I shall get a fever soon. I love the City of my writing. I love the Duchess and the Blue Merra. I love the Angel. I love the dark Lucifer. It's over. It begins again. You won't find any angst in me. I love and I am gone. Body to Spirit to Flesh to Dreams. Dreams. Au revoir.

C'est tout.

Yeah yeah, like i really care what YOU think

One good thing about being Socially Insignificant is that I don't have to care who I offend because I have nothing to lose. You can't try to grab my friends from me because the friends I have are my friends because of me and not because I have extensive contacts. You can't cordone sanitaire me because frankly speaking, you really think I care? I'll just get my straight As while you poor sucker die. As a result, I probably offend lots of people on a regular basis which is amazing considering how little I actually talk.

Tong said that his first impression of me was that of a geek. My first impression of him was that of an arrogant bastard, the bastard stays. Of course I'm a geek! Fine, I'm a geek who loves fashion and who has some weird ambition. I'm a geek who reads alot and while cannot make friends, will gladly stand up and talk when he needs to though not to make people laugh. I'm a geek who cannot tolerate being questioned. I'm a geek who can actually be quite irritating. Yes, I'm a geek dammit. Bastards.

Oh and in case you wondered why I'm talking about geekiness? Because Alps, Tong and I just spent the afternoon doing what we always do. Eat. Yes, such humble, endearing chaps are us, eating out of paper boxes and wooden chopsticks. Did I mention that we also ate ice cream? Yeah, we're humble, modest students living modestly and eating what we can afford. My.

Yes, holidays must go out. At least plan one night where we go watch a play/performance/recital/jazz concert/weird shit, one day where we pig out, one day where we wander around singapore, one day when we bake and cook shit and one day when we find a place to stay over- preferably somewhere legal if it's possible tong. So there, start planning people.

Oh and tong, good luck for your chinese. Cos if ya pass, ALPS IS GONNA WEAR A DRESS. And then we can go choose a really nice one. The cosplay sort. With lots of ruffles and ribbons. We'll dress her up in a dark manner and make her take photos and use for future blackmail purposes.

C'est tout.

yes, you there

RJC is full of idiots, and not mere idiots, oh no, they're idiots trying NOT to be idiots but because of the fact that they ARE rightly, idiots, they tend to FAIL at NOT being absolute IDIOTS. Does it amaze you that most of them happen to situate in my vicinity.

That's right. Didn't you say that mediocrity wasn't suited for you? Well the way I see it, you aren't cut out for responsibility either if you're going to push it onto someone else. Don't you even dare call me a hypocrite because other than Daniel and Darius, there is not a singular person that have not been helped by me in one way or another along the course of the academic year. Yes, so if you're just going to be selfish and stick to yourselves, fine. In fact do it, you're going to fare badly anyway. Trying so much harder yet still doing so horridly, I wouldn't have the face to come here if I were so bad at it. Well at least limit the damage to yourself and the people you like to call friends even if friends means you make them bleed a little every time they aren't looking. Such psycopathic insecurity, mark my words, is definitely a sign of mediocrity trying to trump itself up as capability.

Really, I hardly know why I bother at all. What was all that load about unity and spirit? Utter nonsense, look at the Lone Scholar, doing himself good while ignoring the hopeless mess he has to suffer. Should have followed his example even though his presence raises such a stench of disdain in me that I'd much rather stay away. Well I'm not going to stand for it, die for all I care. Just don't ring up my number near the next exam because I'll be busy helping people who really need help.

I'm glad I never believed in class spirit because truly, it's shit. I'm digusted, appalled and most of all, I hope my sister never turns into a horrid bitch when she grows up. It comforts me alot to know that at least she's not stupid.

C'est tout.

Whoodeedoo

Stally quoted me. Great job there. Oh and I feel the need to kick somebody in the head largely because I have developed a sore throat. Should have known, I'm not even studying for Chinese and I'm getting a sore throat. This is so ridiculous.

Speak not of brighter, hopeful days, no

not when winter holds sunlight at bay

and warm kisses harden upon glacial snow

as breath chills-- embraces lost to slow decay

So I write and I wrench the little bit of literature I still have left in me. The magic's gone I tell you. All I can write now is prose, and not even splendid prose. I would give you my vision in words if I could, but I cannot. You must come into my mind, it will open for you and you shall speak life. I am long tired of summer days. Winter is the spirit of sleep, and in slumber do our bodies past and our essence go.

C'est tout.

hey there duchess!

Today has been a great day for me as always. I think I'm really fortunate, or in control of my spiritual space to have so many great days at a go. Firstly, I didn't prepare for the OP dry run as opposed to everybody else and whoa, just when I thought I was going to do badly, Ms. Ngin actually said that I did quite well. Haha, it's strange how I like going up speaking extemp but I can't speak up in a group to make a single friend. I'm actually surprised that I have friends, or at least people whom I don't bitch about and who agree to be peaceful and cordial with me. This is mainly due to the fact that I'm so quiet and not at all very vocal. Yes, I'm sorry if you've tried to be nice to me and I've done nothing more than yawn in your face and walk off quietly. Alone. It's just my way of saying that sure, let's be friends. I've accepted that I'll be lonely in life so I don't wail about it anymore, it's nice being a singular figure amidst all these groups anyway.

Oh and thanks Xiao Gun, Sarah and Val, would have love to go lunch with ya guys but Ma called. Had to rush down to Valley Point to pass her some cash because she couldn't be arsed to go to the nearest ATM machine to draw any. Oh and Ma's got purple braces! To go with her purple bag and her purple top and her purple shoes. When we went to a cafe for a light lunch, she ordered a PURPLE yogurt smoothie! Haha, my Ma's such a control freak she colour co-ords her food to her clothes. Tres chic non? I didn't eat much today so nothing to confess to Daniel. Felt really guilty about eating cake with Alps yesterday. Stay away from me you let's-share-a-cake imp! Nous allons devenir vraiment les cochonnes si nous continuons manger comme ca. Broken French is nice.

Yes, and I did my sets. Really proud of myself especially since I lugged through the entire process with no water and I can do phantom chair for one minute without feeling like I was going to give the ghost. Exercise is good for you! I only wish someone had told me that earlier.

Finally, thanks Geri for telling me how to fix my HTML even though I didn't get it. :D Keep up the FIRE, Ed the Genius. I'm so delirious from exercising I could throw up right now. I'm always blogging in a state of delirium. I want to read Thud! from Pratchett. Shall keep track of Tong's book-purchasing records and maybe buy his headphones so he can buy Alps' bro's headphones. Oh where have all my money gone to?

C'est tout.

lalala

Dear Lucifer, please go up there and get yourself a brand new suit from Brooks Bros or Gucci. Red leather does not befit the Prince of All Darkness and Brimestone. I mean it. Maybe nice platinium tips for your sexy tail from Hermes or something as well. Yes, I am done. I am mad. I hardly care anymore. I'm dirty in my sch u, I'm dirty any other time. God be done. Amen. C'est tout.

Phase 2

21 October 2005

Went out in the evening with Alps and Tong to the chocolate buffet which was good but I suppose Tong and Alps aren't dessert pigs. I mean, Alps is a more general pig and Tong IS an induced pig so I'm the only one who can eat alot of desserts and still feel really happy. Insulin is crap. Chocolates rule. Oh and there was this woman who had really nice long legs and a really cool dress. I think all cool dresses should emphasize what happens when they get taken off so it should never be about that dress. The woman was certainly wearing a cool dress. She was also hanging out with two overly metro and hence, highly suspect guys, one of whom was wearing a satin ribbon in the stead of a chain at his waist which I thought was really cool and ironic. Oh and after that, we walked abit. Got called smart pigs by Malays. Now THAT'S what I call sedition-worthy acts. Just because we went to the buffet in our school uniform doesn't mean we're all obnoxious rafflesian pigs. Oh and we also saw a bunch of teenagers playing on the War Memorial which is in my opinion, a loathsome display of the dismal attitude that characterizes the less educated section of today's youth. There, I've vented my anger.

Today

I have a problem. I find an irresistable urge to be obnoxious and annoying. This is especially so when I identify certain people as Inferior. All right, shoot me in the head for being elitist. Oh and Alps and I have found a way to make the word elitist even MORE elitist. Haha, we're so dead. Oh and my Mother's teeth is annoying the entire world and herself. This is because she has bravely requested that the doctor extract all five teeth at one go so that she can be done with it. Such courage is indeed rare. Such patience as displayed by us must be even rarer.

No deep thoughts for today as usual. It takes alot of effort to make deep thoughts. That or the random flash which I do admittedly, get quite often :p but of course, all thinkers must rest and I am certainly, no mean thinker.

Alors, c'est tout.

MY MA'S GETTING BRACES

Phase One of putting on braces by Ma: The elastics are off and the pins are glued on. It hurts like hell but she went to work anyway. That's my ma, so miraculously strong. Her teeth are all going sideways though and I think already, the pushing has started. Tomorrow, she will be extracting two of her teeth. Very painful. We're all BEHIND her! Haha, and lil' sis is going to get braces soon. I will it.

C'est tout.

hellbore is a plant? wow.

par M. Terry Pratchett est fantastique! C'est un bon comedie mais pour le premiere fois, je pense qu'il etait un peu de noir. Oui, le livre est humereux mais le comedie noir est partout. C'est un peu comme de par M. Shakespeare parce qu'il parle de themes serieux mais est tres drole. Dans les mots d'une ecrivaine, il present un autre monde ou tout ce qui mal dans notre monde est montre pour nous.

And there's another mangling of French which hopefully somebody would like to correct because that just came from the top of my head. Increasingly, I feel a need to try to translate everything I think in English into French because sooner or later, I'm going to have to use French as if it were my first tongue. Nearly graduating into Advanced does not equate fluent French let me tell you this. It's horrid.

Oh and the funniest thing happened today. I was in the train dans la journee, thinking about how late I was and how Alps must also be really late and so could just be somewhere on the train. Reaching Bishan, I went to the door and realized that ALPS was sitted by the door all along and I didn't even realize. Haha, I'm so blur it's scary.

Oh and people who happen to be reading my blog. Instead of laughing at my sad plight where the HTML has gone all awry. Please DO help me save my blog because I really would like paragraphs back in order. Unlike M. le roi, I cannot muster my thoughts without seeing them organized into little brackets. Yes, a decade of education informed so much by Cartesian, Voltarian, Millian and dare I, Newtonian thought has wormed its way into my mind so deeply that I can only think in paragraphs. Trop triste mais je vivrai.

Ah and a note to Tong and Alps if you guys happen to be reading, tomorrow is CHOCOLATE DAY! Yes, I'm making reservations for three all right? So meet in school, let's see what happens when we go to the full in school u. Oh what a fit that would be. Oh and somebody really has to stop sounding so...*blackened metal cutting poisoned chocolates* sorry, imagery works better sometimes. I wish I could plant images into people's minds. That way I can save all the talking and tell Liyana she's a bitch 548759 times a day without actually having to open my mouth. :D HELLOOO LIYANA, if you're reading this which of course you aren't.

C'est tout.

shut up you stupid pisshead

Do care to remember thing ultimate thing I detest: Stupid People. It's a good category because by default, lots of other things and people I despise and pour contempt upon come under this. But today has been a fine example of how pissed off I can get when Stupid People make Stupid Comments about Stupid Things which simply reinforced their blatant Stupidity, nay, amplified it at the moment in time. Truly am I distraught at finding such Idiocy and Folly lurking within the wondrous sanctums that is our School. Yes, how I adore our staunch adherence to the elitism of meritocracy. How I love the smell of precious money in the air, the musk of affluence and the soft, golden haze of prestige that hangs from every doorway and corridor. People who thought I meant what I said ought to be shot. Then again, I guess we all react to Promos differently. Some rise by sin, others by virtue fall. No, don't catch me for misquoting because I don't care. I suppose reading the books before going for the exam would have helped but ah well, it's over. It's not the results that pisses me off but the nature of the Candidature that irritates me. Ok, I'm sounding vaguely Chia-ish again.
On to something else, a great wave of guilt engulfed me today in this miasma of disgust. Disgust directed upon my very Body which of course, prompted me to do certain things that took the last inch of energy out of me. No, Daniel, I refuse to run until November hols start. Ok, I'm sick of trying to create paragraphs. Fuck to you stupid HTML, who invented it anyway? Oh and did I mention that I'm dropping MATH!? WOOHOO!! Haha, suckers who still have to take MATH, take care. I shall take lectures with you people and sit in, maybe even do the tests but it wouldn't matter to me because i'm OUT OF HERE. Haha, please Parsons, be a dear and give me the fucking scholarship. C'est tout.

whoa, major discovery

Teachers are normal people! Well, of course I knew that but it's really quite funny to hear about a teacher bitch about her daily life and talk about her students over a blog AND have OTHER teachers comment and congregate. Really bizarre. Anyway, I wonder if our teachers have blogs. It'd be damn cool. Ms. C's blog would be full of her little girl's wonderful feats and her statistics. Mrs C's would be on the latest sales, the oldest movies and how aggravating teaching history can be. Ms N's..er...econs, her car and her lovely class. Haha, the litchers' blogs would be really interesting too. Esp. somebody's. :P
C'est tout.

le singaporien stupid a ete tue par ses examens.

Firstly, I shall say here that today has been a downright sucky day and that it has proven quite a lot of things to me. A) No matter how hard you work or how much you genuinely love and commit yourself to doing it, you can still fall. B) Nobody's going to console you. C) There are people who will secretly rejoice. D) You reap what you sow so A) B) and C) should always have been there in your mind.

Yes, I am pissed with my results. Et pourquoi pas? Butler said hardwork counts, well from my point of view, it doesn't. Not when the hard work is quantified by how much you crammed in the last few weeks, or how much you secretly devoured or siphoned, or by studying along leads given. No, this is studying not learning. The saddest thing is that the system does not reward constant achievements. It gives the utmost priority to a singular test that against the better judgement and logic of everybody, cannot possibly be an accurate benchmark for work done, for knowledge and for flair.

Call me bitter if you will but this promos has been damn disenchanting. If you see it from my point of view, it's a big decline. It doesn't help that people smirk about it because I know I deserved it. If I had been someone else looking on at me, I'd have been laughing too. But I'm not someone else and I will not be discouraged so easily. Next year, there's always next year. It took me 4 years to climb from 30% in Ahmad until I got within top 20 and today, I think I have transcended the system. Besides, I can always console myself with the fact that I DO NOT NEED MY A LEVELS. So there. :)

Edit: Just checked the Parsons webpage. I DO need my A levels to prove I can speak English, that or take a test. Like hello, obviously I can speak English. And French too mind you though it's a very slow and stilted French. Oh, I also need an essay of motivation and a portfolio of various sketches. Superbe. It's a direct course so NO FOUNDATION. Wahahaha. Foundation is SUPER TOUGH. You need to hand in a self-portrait and a collage AND a 3D sketch. Yucks. Four years at Parsons Paris and thereafter, you can find a job via intern there. Woohoo.

C'est tout.

au revoir oh oui oui

Yesterday, after lamenting about my lack of exercise, I sneaked back home after dinner and did my sets while my family was away watching a movie. Haha, I'm obsessive in certain ways.

It's been raining and raining and raining! J'adore le temps aujourdhui, surtout parce qu'il pleuvait tout la journee. Quel chance s'il pourrait pleuvoir chaque jour et chaque nuit. Je pourrait dormir pour l'eternite. Yes, haha, Alps too it would appear. Let's go run in the rain one day, and laugh when tong falls into the lake whilst pking. Oh and Bakerzin is a death trap, DO NOT STEP INSIDE. You'll be so happy eating cakes and chocolates your wallet will empty before you know it. Trust me. I should know. But before you leave, do remember to order a chocolate souffle with the ice cream of thyme. Not as nice as the grand marnier souffle with vanilla ice cream I had at another place I'll grant you that but it's a worthy enough treat.

Ah, yo, let's hit the chocolate buffet this friday and break Tong's bank account while we're at it. We could do it under the pretext of er...discussing stuff for the camp. Yes, it'd be wonderfully ironic. Talking about equality and the beauty of egalite at the fullerton.

Successfully connected my Self to the world today, that was a close one. If not for the rain, I was worrying that I had slipped. Never mind.

O-oh and just had a great dinner. Pa's so nice.
- baked pumpkins with olive oil and salt: a veritable favourite
- salted baked chicken: tasting strangely delicious
- sweet and sour fish with pineapples: the real thing! Ah, heaven.
- stir-fried vegetables with black wood ear: er...pass
- soup of pig's tail, peanuts and carrots: really good and surprisingly light

Yes, I feel like a pig. Probably mirroring what Alps is feeling now. :p

C'est tout.

fat lil me

Argh, the world is conspiring to keep me from my sets and it pisses me off. What IS wrong with my family and their obsessive need to EAT? Sheesh, we're forever gorging ourselves on food and my mother worries too much about me not eating enough. I'm eating MORE than enough.

Read China Inc and the feeling is well, bitter and sweet. The book should be titled China's Revenge. I mean, look, China was at the top of the world for more than 2000 years and back then, she was a major producer of luxury goods while the barbaric west was creating knock-offs and trying to smuggle silk out of China. It's funny how having been brought so low by a west who finally thought itself at the tip of the world, it is now being gnawed by China from below. A China whom no longer prides itself as the world arbiter of tastes and whom instead uses the sort of cut-throat techniques that once brought her to her knees. Yes, I love it that China is causing such havoc in the manufacturing world. You must understand that no amount of telling me that China was also imperialistic because ultimately, I am not a person given to defending the weak in this case. Yes, so I support China because I can only stay at the periphery, marvelling at the dragon who will rise from the dead to shatter the world so that it may be built in her image. Nonetheless, one cannot feel that China has to crash sooner or later before she can continue her growth. America emerged out of the Great Depression and the World Wars, Modern China will soon have to face her trial by fire if she is to take her place as the penultimate superpower of the world as all roads once again, lead to the heart of civilization as it is centred upon the city of Peking.

C'est tout.

love makes the world go round, chasing her own wretched tail.

Ate damn lot more after the afternoon with Alps and Tong. Went out with Ying, Xuan and Tzhoc. It was really fun because we went to this Jap buffet at Suntec and totally PIGGED OUT. Actually, I was thinking of a genteel meal at Bakerzin where the portions prevent post-pig out trauma but silly me couldn't find it. It was at the extension of paragon! Waah.

So yeah, we ate and we ate and we ate. I think I outdid myself this time round because I felt so full! Then of course, the dear girl Xuan and I had to prove that coming from Hwa Chong and Raffles respectively meant nothing because while trying to warm up our mochis, I blew on mine and the flour came gushing back into my eye. While laughing, she was rolling hers with her hands as if that were the most normal thing in the world. Haha, some people.

Yesterday was damn fun, I wish all my days were like this. The beauty of Youth.

Oops, yo denise, if you're reading this: sorry for the lack of philo because I'm not in a contemplative mood due to the fact that my results suck and if I contemplate too much, I'd feel really depressed and shoot myself in the head for being so hubristic and underestimating the papers. Dammit, I'm mugging as much as Darius next time round even if it kills me.

Anyway, today has been cool so far. Two doses of laxatives have made me a better person now because my stomach no longer bulges with too much food. I even feel quite good actually if not for the fact that I actually ate a damn heavy breakfast which totally grossed me out. I'm so ashamed of myself. How will I ever face daniel? haha.

Oh and ALPS, CHEER UP! I know how ya feel. It sucks to fail especially when you can just hear people sniggering behind your back. Ok, not fail, just FALL. So don't worry, we'll get Tong to cheer us up by subsidizing our chocolate buffets at the Full and then we can pig out another day at the Olive Tree. Until then, stay fast!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SLUGGIE!! YOU'VE CERTAINLY GROWN ALOT! :D

C'est tout.

yet another great day

Today was a great booster day after the promos. Went out for breakfast/lunch (spot the trend?) with Alps and Tong at the macau crystal jade at Bugis. Here's what we all ate:
- pork chop rice (all of us- ok, mostly Sean)
- french toast (Sean and Alps- Alps drowned hers in honey thinking it was maple syrup because Tong told her it was. Alps is a Honey Freak. Yes, prompting Tong to try to muss her hair up with honey using a chopstick.)
- Pineapple buns (Sean and Tong)
- Macaroni (Tong)

Foot the bill, went out to Beard Papa to CONTINUE EATING.
- Two custard puffs (Sean)
- Two eclairs (Alps)

Yes, I think I ate the most today. Shit, I can't believe it.

Then we went to the Sony shop upstairs so Alps get ogle at the laptops there. i want a nano Anyway, Tong was suggesting we go play in the fountain like those little children. Haha, that was another great idea brought to you from Tong.

Somehow, ended up at National Library and there we saw Liyi. Walked around, went to tour toilets and then after a long while, got up and left. I got a book on black fashion which is quite nice. Then went to my da's shop to get myself some hair shampoo and yes, my dad is cool and funky and I'm not. Shoot me. Haha, daddy was wearing pink pants and a gray tee I think. My cool dad of the Cool Converses.

Hahaha, picture this: Alps in a pink lacy frock with Hello Kitty print and a Hello Kitty helium balloon sticking out from behind her. Yes, Tong, we MUST try to do something about it. Christmas is coming up anyway. I'm sure Alps would love a pink skirt. With ruffles. And lace.

Ah, it's really funny how we ended up going near a) food b) books c) weird places ie. toilets again. I think it's got to do with Alps' unhealthy obsession with food (fast track 2 hours post-crystal jade 'i'm hungry again. my stomach's growling.', Tong's urge to do stuff we all secretly want to do but resist for fear of making arses out of ourselves and my love for books and nice places and ok, FOOD(!).

Must go out again. Let's hit the Olive Tree at Intercontinental next. After Alps gets over her post-multt-buffet trauma.

C'est tout.

ouch, morning

Wahaha, is everybody an early riser other than me? Woke up because Ying sms-ed me and the mobile was being irritating by beeping everything 0.000023 seconds and Tong called. Ouch, I have a headache from waking up too early.

O-oh, a whole free day! Let's see what I'm going to do today:
- waste time in front of the PS
- do some parts of my sets
- go out in the evening with Ying, Xuan and possible, Wan Ling whom I haven't met in a thousand years. OH well, like, whatever.

Haha, just got a call from Alps. Apparently Tong called too to ask her out for breakfast. Some people wake up way too early. OH oh, before I forget- dream sequence:

Was on the train going to some place where there were lots of indian english writers and I was reading their works. Talking talking, then suddenly I was getting back on a train. Somehow, I kept taking trains here and there and even went into a train via an open door while the train was moving. Ended up in the middle of nowhere, nice scenery and it was raining and I was think like, well, Singapore doesn't have lots of rain, we just have lots of melted snow. Anyway, strangely daddy came to pick me up. So we went somewhere, I think the Ahmad canteen. Hew Ting, Jeffrey and someone else was there. They were all talking about what to do for HEW TING, yes Hew Ting talking about what to do for Hew Ting as if she weren't her. They were like, oh Hew Ting told me this morning to do this. Note: Hew Ting has been gone for a few months already, this is my first dream of her since her wake. So anyway, I was really blur and asked them how did they manage to get to Hew Ting. Then they started bombarding me with like, 'why are you so stupid?" and Hew Ting was like rolling her eyes and said that 'Hew Ting wrote us letters lah'. Then I was damn pissed because here I was feeling a sudden pain from missing Hew Ting and these people were being so anal. Then I lashed out at them for being so irritating and Hew Ting for being an imposter. Anyway, got into the car and told whoever it was to drive faster, went back to the house with the Indian writers and took a quiz. Got back into the car and said I was tired and wanted to go home, turns out it was my 10 year old sis driving! So I took over the reins and I told her 'we've been through this before, I'll drive because it's safer' when both of us can't drive. THEN Tong called and I woke up.

Yes, Hew Ting, I miss you. Even in my dreams you had to be so anal, but I guess that's the special thing about you. Just like Xuan has her light-headed butterflies in the air thing, Ying has her 'ganma' don't bother me i want to sleep thing, Jeff has it i am a bitch from hell thing and CC has her fuck the world and let's have fun thing. Well, just know tha I'll miss ya.

C'est tout.

root

All right, praise the endurance of the Mind. I can't believe I actually pulled through parts of the sets because my body refuses to NOT exert itself even though it has stupidy wounded itself in the process.

Ok, maybe I don't feel that bad. After all, I need to be taught a lesson, or rather, reminded of humility once in a while. Haha, now's as good a time as any I suppose. Besides, everybody understands that I alone feel the most pain from my results so nobody will bother to upbraid me about it.

Ah, now all I need to do is close my eyes and sleep. All the promos have given me is a habit of multi-blogging, fatigue, humility and an irrational fear of economics. Great.

C'est tout.

fucking depressed..haha, yeah, like, so gone

Today totally sucked. My results don't do justice I tell you. Ok, so I did sort of slacken the pace for the promos and also studied too early and also got too complacent but fuck, it doesn't warrant such a drastic decline.

Yes, I wanted two S papers. History and Economics. But right now, I wouldn't dare to. Imagine the cheek of the person to ask for two S papers when you can't even get straight As. Yeah, why bother with two Ss if you don't have straight As? I'll tell you why, because it interests me. But really, schoolwork is draining me of my energy. I wish I could learn in a more stress-less place. I love learning and writing essays and all, but this is not what I mean.

You know, I think I'm far too cyclical. This means I'll do splendidly for my CTs next year, flunk my prelims and ace my As! Haha, yes. The thing is, in RJ, everybody ace their As so who cares? Oh well, I should always look at things from a different angle- Parson's does not require A levels, only a good portfolio. Then again, one should do well at everything that one tries.

Oh and I really wanted to do my sets today to work off my depression but strangely, I hurt some part of my shoulder/collarbone area. Fragile, fugly, fdepressed, just ftired. Fucking brilliant.

One another note, my sister is such a dear! She's the only one who's consoled me. Ok, sometimes I wonder how much grief my results warrant but my sister never questions my depression. She doesn't go ,'but ya already did so well still complain so much!' which is why I love her. She understands the nature of my failure when I said I've failed. The same goes to her too so I suppose we fit nicely.

I therefore consider this exam NULL and VOID, hence in NO WAY reflecting the usual standard of my work and so will have no bearing on my emotions at this moment. Avaunt. Go away. Fuck off.

Yes, I'm going insane and not just that. I need my sketchbook. I need to start sewing. Maybe I should just quit school now and fly to Paris. Yes, I should. I thought of a beautiful wedding gown, three tiers and a train that I think is quite ingenuous but nevermind.


Don't bother saving me. Leave me for the dear old man below. He needs company anyway.

C'est tout.

Yay, happy, whatever, fuck you, no, don't, fuck me.

Today was quite a blah day because I felt so delirious. Yes, delirious is the word. Rotted in front of the TV playing Dark Cloud 2 which is a strangely addictive game even though the american voice over hurts my ear alot.

Yes, I dislike America. It's repulsive. I'm so glad I'll be able to sell to China when I'm old enough to have my own business. Ok, they can be nice people. I saw a nice couple a few days back but I suppose as long as nobody whips out Colonialism or Empire or Deliverance of Enlightment or Crusade or Saving Pagan Souls, these Anglo/Continental people can be quite nice.

OH I'm so tired. Tomorrow is school with all those result slips and I just cannot bear it. Yes, it's driving me nuts. I'm in no mood for school now. I want to rest. I want to eat. I want to travel. I want to dream.

C'est tout.

shit

I'm too fucking weak. Physically I mean. Died from doing my sets a moment again just because I modified it a little. Sometimes I get so angry at my physical disabilities. It's hard to console oneself by thinking that all that matters is the mind because the Human Concept consists of the Body, the Self, the Mind and the Soul. I scarce think that a developed Self, Mind and Soul would entail a Body so weak as mine. The shell of a Human must after all, be strong enough to store the other three intangible components. I feel like a mutant with an overdeveloped Self, a Soul that I know is quite centrifugal AND cetripedal at the same time, a Mind that works but obviously not brilliant enough to be a genius and of course, a Body that could break too easily.

Haha, yes, I believe in the Human Concept even though I believe it could be applied to any creature in this world. The planet for one. The Body is the material manifestation of GOD in the beauty of chaos re-arranging itself. The Mind is the product of the interaction between two Aspects of GOD. The Soul is the very fabric that unites all of GOD into one. And the Self is that very self-contained fragment of GOD that makes each of us an individual.

Whoa, I think vertigo and over-exhaustion make me flee from the material. Nickleback certainly helps.

I'm being kept sane by Nickleback and Goo Goo Dolls for the moment.

C'est tout.

stoned and ouch

Just woke up. My head hurts like hell right now even though I slept at 12 30 last night. Ok so it's late but not THAT late. No school for me today as usual but I'll be going on Thursday and Friday although something tells me I ought to pon Friday as well.

It's all London's fault. I shouldn't have stayed up to read about it. You know what I'm going to do after I finish this book? I'm going to get HTML for Dummies. O-oh and I know ONE thing I'd like for my Birthday OTHER than

1) Kino Vouchers
2) MONEY!

Ok, this is really too early to post a birthday wish-list AND also too ego but heck, it's early in the morn and I need to cheer up.

3) Monochrome Mondrian print Converse sneakers. That's right, go find a Mondrian print if you don't know what that is and shoot yourself for not knowing Piet Mondrian.

Otherwise, my back hurts as usual. Ouch. Don't you hate waking up? I know I do. Only thing is, I wish sleep was a daily part of life. Just think, I'll have so much more time to be so much more productive. An employer's bloody dream come true.

Ok, I'm rambling now and it doesn't make sense.

C'est tout.

Yay

Finally, decided to switch over to bloggers because LJ is neat and all but it's not really nice to use after a while. Yes this is plain. Shall have to learn how to use html. If Alps can do it, so can I.

Oh and for people who wish to read my old entries? www.livejournal.com/users/wei_ng though why you'd want to strikes me as quite amusing.

Hope this turns out well. People who happen to read this and who are amused at my plight- not having a nice blogskin and who might have the heart to help me, holler.

C'est tout.