Blank Doll takes a rest.

I have a dream. It is both a curse and a blessing. Blessing because it is the compass with which I set the direction of my life, because it gives me a sense of purpose and because it empowers me. Curse because it drives me relentlessly, because it leaves me cold inside and because it will never let me go.

Sometimes, I guess I do envy the people without aim their problems. Daniel may mock them for being blind pilgrims but there is a simplicity in their lives that I can ill afford. My whole life has been a process of clearing away the dross of my soul, the rudiments of my spirit and the debris of my mind until in the end, what is left is not purity but emptiness.

So yes, I am that empty vessel for my dream. I have sacrificed my childhood, my youth and my ability to be normal. Worse, I could sacrifice so much more for this dream.

My dream takes me to faraway places, to brilliant places. I see beautiful people, lights, laughter and wealth. Yet in the end, there is naught but me. My dream takes me to a place where there is only me. My dream is jealous for it tells me that I cannot love. My dream consumes me. It takes me even when my mind is afixed unto something else.

I have to bring my dream to fruition. It is my guardian spirit as it is my ghostly tormentor.

C'est tout.