BD

I am utterly and resolutely in love with Nigella Lawson and her boundless womanhood. How can you not love a woman who lets her hair trail into pots of sauce and who admits to using frozen peas. Alain Passard would have died of an ebolism were he to even countenance the use of frozen peas in his risotto aux petits pois but here she is, confessing that even the domestic goddess can be human and submit to the convenience of the frozen foods aisle.

The past week has been crazy and I really should blog more about it but there really isn't much to say beyond the fact that I am very tired of my bosses and I suspect the feeling is mutual. I cannot wait to be done with them and their little ways. I think it takes a seriously uninspired soul to actually join the army and then be actually proud of the fact. Patriotism would have been the perfect balm save for the fact that I find neither loyalty nor love for the country in the officer corps and I am beginning to believe that people tend to treat the army route as a means of last recourse.

Somebody mentioned to me that the Jews are the chosen people even though God had created humanity. I had asked what were they chosen for to which he had no reply. I asked the emptiness why would God send the very people he made to hell. Why, if God had made people conscious of their capacity for this specious concept called evil, did he then create a place of suffering for them? It makes you wonder, at a God who for all the infinite wealth of wisdom, will and power, cannot find it within its august body to accept its own wayward children.

I am not a christian, I cannot be one. The faith offends me too much and it stirs rebellion in me, it makes me want to turn my face on God were I to believe in the christian one. My heart cannot stand to struggle with this aspect of God that would condemn the fabric of my existence, that cannot partake of infinite love for even those who would seek to turn away from it. Yet recently, it is almost as if some vague whisper from the past has settled upon me and I cry at the idea of Judas. Judas the traitor, how I weep for him. Did his act of betrayal not mark the ascendance of christianity? The thing is, how could Jesus Christ, purported son of God, have chosen a flawed apostle were he not meant to play some obscure role in the greater myster of divinity? I do not wish to speak more on Judas because I do not have sufficient knowledge of the christian faith and its history. But then, I believe many are the believers who do not know of the seven ecumenial councils either. Suffice as it is to say that I empathise with Judas, the unwilling traitor.

Then there is Lucifer. I love Lucifer. With all my heart, I love him. I love him for his pride, for his reason, for his power, for his hatred, for his jealousy, for his light and his song. In Lucifer is Man's potential for greatness, in him we find our capacity for light and for darkness. I do not like the anti-christian faith and the devil worshippers, they are overwrought I think in their rituals. My love for Lucifer is not a celebration of evil - evil is in the end nothing but ignorance and chaos. My love for Lucifer is but a tribute to this celestial being of perfection who dared to question God and to claim for himself the sovereign identity that all of us acknowledge when we speak of identities and individualism. I love him for his courage when he raised a third of heaven and stormed against the despot of a deity, I love him for accepting defeat and I love him for his flawed perfection.

Enough of religion, I will never be a christian or a party to any faith. It is to God alone that I hold counsel with and that satisfies me quite.

Oh, and I'm finally getting contacts. Perfect.

C'est tout.